What’s Your Emotional Intelligence?

Q: My boss says I need more “Emotional Intelligence.” I just don’t get this stuff about EI.  Nobody has every complained about my IQ! I got great grades in college.

A: The very fact that you’re questioning the value of “Emotional Intelligence” shows that you don’t get it, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get it. Emotional Intelligence is all learnable, and it will benefit your life in many ways.

If you are not familiar with the term, “Emotional Intelligence,” I’d suggest that you look into the writings of author Daniel Goleman. (Just Google his name and you’ll find out more about him and what he says on the topic of EI.)  Just to give you one nugget of knowledge for now, Goleman says that EI has made a big impact in the world of business, particularly in terms of employee development and leadership.

There are many facets to EI, the development of which will help you become more effective in work and have more successful interactions with others. Five EI qualities that I believe are particularly valuable are:
1. Having empathy
2. Being self-aware
3. Being able to self-manage
4. Having social skills.
5. Being more observant

Each of these qualities speaks to being a good team member and a good team leader. By increasing your competence in each of these areas, you will contribute more to your organization’s success. Let’s take a look at each of these topics.

Having empathy in this context means to put yourself “in someone else’s shoes;” in other words, to see things from the other person’s perspective. This is a valuable skill to have when you’re trying to sell someone else on an idea.

Empathy comes from the ability to read another person’s body language and the emotions it conveys. The person’s reaction to what you’re saying could range from enthusiasm to anger, and the more quickly you can recognize it as valuable feedback and respond through empathy by giving feedback, the better off you’ll be.

Being self-aware goes to the heart of how others perceive you, both positively and negatively. Once you are aware, you can adjust more quickly. Awareness is 95 percent of it!  You may choose, depending upon the circumstances, to be aggressive, passive, confrontational, a mediator, or even a jokester. In the business world, using the feedback you elicit from empathy and being self-aware makes you a more effective contributor.

Self-managing is about controlling your own emotions, knowing that when you feel angry, defensive, apprehensive, or any other emotion, you have a choice in what you can do about it. This is all about “cooling yourself down” when tempers flare and thing get too heated. Your ability to self-manage will keep you out of the extremes.

Your ability to self-manage will also help you become more self-aware. If you are feeling negative emotions about everyone around you—even if you think you have a “poker face”—it’s a pretty good bet that you are telegraphing those feelings of anger or even hostility to everyone around you.

Social skills apply in every situation: having good manners, showing respect, listening carefully, and treating everyone equally no matter what their rank, title, or their “power” in the organization. (And be careful on that last one: some people who may not have impressive titles may wield a lot of influence behind the scenes.) By developing your social skills—showing a genuine interest in others, including your colleagues—will win you friends and supporters, sometimes in the most unlikely places. It will pay off in the long run.

Being observant means acting like a sponge. Rather than initiating every interaction, you’re consciously being more reserved and aware of others’ verbal and non-verbal communication. For example, in a team meeting what is the prevailing dynamic among the group and what are the subtleties of individual behavior? What can you learn and how can you adapt your own behavior?

Now, if you still don’t “get it,” then understand that your boss does. That’s reason enough for finding out how you can develop your EI.

Your Extraordinary Career features proven success strategies and advice for recent graduates and young professionals from William J. White, who draws upon a successful corporate career, including as Chairman and CEO of a New York Stock Exchange-traded company.  Bill is now Professor at the McCormick School of Engineering and Applied Science at Northwestern University, and author of the career book for young professionals, ¬From Day One: CEO Advice to Launch an Extraordinary Career.

Got a question? Email Bill White at Bill@FromDayOne.com